An excerpt from my latest book to be published this year: Dating,Marriage, and Parenting September 30, 2010

…In his list Dr. Ed Wheat’s fifth element of love is called

Agape`. This is probably a familiar Christian statement of

how God loves us. He loves us because He loves us! It has

nothing to do with our face, how tall or short we are, what

our weight is, or anything else. He loves us because He loves

us. Our intellect or absence of intellect has nothing to do

with His love for us. Money, fame, popularity has nothing

to do with His love. He just loves us because He loves us!

Notice if you will, that Agape’ love differs from the other

five elements listed. The first four in the list are all reciprocal.

“If you do thus and so, I’ll do thus and so.” “Be my best

friend, and I’ll be your best friend.” “Make it comfortable

for me, and I’ll do the same for you.” “I’m going to romance

you because I want the same in return.” “I’m hot for your

body, and I want you to be hot for mine.” All of the above

are pretty much based on an expected return.

Agape actually says, “I love you because I choose to love

you.” “In fact, you cannot make me not love you.” Listen,

that last statement sounds like poor English usage, but the

theology of it is very strong when you understand how God

loves us. He chooses to love us, without condition!

A marriage that has a strong commitment clause is far

more likely to stand the test of time. Haven’t you seen couples

that cling to each other get even stronger as they get older?

Surprisingly, there have been some film and stage actors and

actresses that seem to be inseparable. The late Ozzie Davis and

his widow Ruby Dee, and the late husband and widowed wife team

of  Hume Cronyn and Jessica Tandy come to mind. The flower of

their youth had obviously faded from Ozzie and Ruby but their

devotion and commitment to each other painted an even greater

picture of love increasing. This is so rewarding to this observer in

contrast to the expected ‘Hollywood types’, that seem not to have

marriages as much as they have collections.

It is sad to see the Elizabeth Taylors of this world who

have confused and abused the marriage bed so much that

they end up with nothing in the golden years of their lives.

In contrast to the emptiness and sadness viewed by those

who can only boast of their collections, we could see the fire

and passion whenever the Davis’ were  interviewed. I’m pretty

sure that it was the same for the  Cronyn/Tandy couple. Their love

really showed! There was a pretty obvious agape connection

working. We can also see it in the fiery eyes of former First

Lady Nancy Reagan when she spoke of her late “Ronnie,”

who suffered with Alzheimer’s.

There’s a story out there about former president Reagan out for

Walk, accompanied by the Secret Service. He was clearly ailing

from his illness when suddenly he turned and reached for the latch

of an unfamiliar gate. Letting himself in he began to pick a flower.

“Mr. President,” the startled agent exclaimed, “This is not

our home.” “Oh I know,” said Mr. Reagan, “I just wanted

to take my love a flower.” Even though he was judged to be

mostly locked in a private world, for just one precious

moment he had returned to the love of his life. The embers

of their love still burned brightly in both of their hearts!

Love is certainly a choice. It has little to do with one’s

physical appearance, academic ability, age or station in life.

Once that choice is made it should be made for life. It should

not be made with “If” clauses. “I will love you if you keep

your beauty.” “I will love you as long as I can admire your

mind.” “I will love you as long as you are on top of the heap.”

It is pitiful that so many couples marry today with only a

partial commitment to stay married. There’s a marvelous

passage of scripture that says, “love is as strong as death.” We

know that death is not reversible in this life! Perhaps, nor should

love be reversible.

MARRIAGE: THE RULES OF THE GAME The Leaving Factor September 8, 2010

THE LEAVING FACTOR
A basic foundation for marriage is found the first time in
Genesis 2.4 . . . “a man is to leave his father and his mother,
cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”. I call this
God’s triangular plan. It provides the full support system for
any marriage. There are three main elements in God’s system.
This seems so simple, almost too simple for some. Let me
remind you that the triangle is the strongest of the geometric
shapes. A load placed upon the pinnacle of a triangle of
substantial materials will bear that weight as long as the points
hold together. This is due to the weight being distributed
evenly along the whole system. Actually it helps itself sustain
itself. The architecture of Buckminster Fuller often utilized
the strength of the triangle. In fact Fuller created a ball-like
dome made from combined triangles. From this we could
draw an interesting parallel: If the triangle represents the
family the dome could represent the larger community. The
obvious conclusion to our parallel illustration is that a strong
society is made up of strong families.
Scriptural/spiritually each of these three elements is
substantial; together they are powerful. However just as a
physical triangle becomes defeated when any of the elements
are removed the same becomes true in the business of
marriage. Without each of these elements working together
in tandem, distributing the weight along the entire foundation
of the marriage, the marital union will grow weaker and
weaker until a second element is adversely affected. If at this
point the condition is not corrected look for either a total
collapse of the union, or a very ineffective marriage. A
marriage that remains by mutual agreement based on, “For
the sake of the children”, or “It would not look good in the
public right now”, as reasons, or “Think what this would do
to our parents after having invested so much in our
happiness,” etc. The excuses go on and on but lead to nothing
positive. Staying married has little to do with other people
and what they think. Yes it does affect the children but you
need to stay for you. After all one day you promised through
sickness and health and all that other stuff that you would
remain.
Our society is not in the greatest shape today because of
so many weak families. Each family unit does have an effect
on the whole of society. If you imagine that each marriage is
like a drop in the bucket just remember that continual drops
will eventually over flow the bucket.

September 2, 2010

Rippling Effects 3

Back in the day students used to respect their teachers.
Next to their parents and minister the teacher ranked a close
third. All of a sudden things began to change. The old ways
rapidly disappeared. Rebellion began to creep in almost
everywhere. Property was no longer sacrosanct; it now
represented the enemy. In many big cities property was
defaced with an awful vengeance. Paint spray cans, magic
markers, crayon, nail files, and even lipstick became
instruments of crime, as they scrolled, scrawled, scratched,
and painted their boiling, seething new hatred for the faceless
system. Almost simultaneously the dress code changed, and
then all but disappeared. One school Superintendent said,
“I don’t care how they come dressed, as long as they come
covered.” And in today’s scene that’s about all many can look
forward to; that they come covered!
Students developed over the years an unhealthy and
unholy disrespect for just about everything. This would
include parents, teachers, administrators, policemen, judges,
themselves, and yes even God! Their language often includes
His name mingled among the vilest assortment of verbal filth.
Youthful crime has risen to unparalleled highs. The drug
culture has included in its clutches youthful offenders as far
down as the primary grades. My secretary just placed in our
Sunday bulletin a chart she found that shows that the national
SAT college scores have steadily gone down since, yep you
guessed it—1963. The rings of this spiritual pool are still
forming and expanding.
All of this has occurred and perhaps even more problems
to come because a spiritual principle was violated. We took
God out of our schools. We actually told Him to, “Go! We
don’t want you here.” The odd thing to note is that there
wasn’t that much prayer and Bible reading going on before
it was removed. It is as they say, ‘the principle of the thing’
that was violated; the consequences have to follow.
I chose this rather lengthy investigation to illustrate the
point that spiritual principles that are violated are just as
impacting and graphic as gravity ignored. Our hope is for
this work to not only reinforce the need for adhering to
spiritual principles but to also help to discover and
understand these principles, and put them to work. The
family desperately needs to discover the biblical principles
that will aid and enhance them as a unit and as individuals
that make up that unit.
To ignore these principles of marriage is to invite negative
and damaging results. To embrace these principles is to
enhance and broaden the possibilities of success.