An excerpt from my latest book to be published this year: Dating,Marriage, and Parenting September 30, 2010

…In his list Dr. Ed Wheat’s fifth element of love is called

Agape`. This is probably a familiar Christian statement of

how God loves us. He loves us because He loves us! It has

nothing to do with our face, how tall or short we are, what

our weight is, or anything else. He loves us because He loves

us. Our intellect or absence of intellect has nothing to do

with His love for us. Money, fame, popularity has nothing

to do with His love. He just loves us because He loves us!

Notice if you will, that Agape’ love differs from the other

five elements listed. The first four in the list are all reciprocal.

“If you do thus and so, I’ll do thus and so.” “Be my best

friend, and I’ll be your best friend.” “Make it comfortable

for me, and I’ll do the same for you.” “I’m going to romance

you because I want the same in return.” “I’m hot for your

body, and I want you to be hot for mine.” All of the above

are pretty much based on an expected return.

Agape actually says, “I love you because I choose to love

you.” “In fact, you cannot make me not love you.” Listen,

that last statement sounds like poor English usage, but the

theology of it is very strong when you understand how God

loves us. He chooses to love us, without condition!

A marriage that has a strong commitment clause is far

more likely to stand the test of time. Haven’t you seen couples

that cling to each other get even stronger as they get older?

Surprisingly, there have been some film and stage actors and

actresses that seem to be inseparable. The late Ozzie Davis and

his widow Ruby Dee, and the late husband and widowed wife team

of  Hume Cronyn and Jessica Tandy come to mind. The flower of

their youth had obviously faded from Ozzie and Ruby but their

devotion and commitment to each other painted an even greater

picture of love increasing. This is so rewarding to this observer in

contrast to the expected ‘Hollywood types’, that seem not to have

marriages as much as they have collections.

It is sad to see the Elizabeth Taylors of this world who

have confused and abused the marriage bed so much that

they end up with nothing in the golden years of their lives.

In contrast to the emptiness and sadness viewed by those

who can only boast of their collections, we could see the fire

and passion whenever the Davis’ were  interviewed. I’m pretty

sure that it was the same for the  Cronyn/Tandy couple. Their love

really showed! There was a pretty obvious agape connection

working. We can also see it in the fiery eyes of former First

Lady Nancy Reagan when she spoke of her late “Ronnie,”

who suffered with Alzheimer’s.

There’s a story out there about former president Reagan out for

Walk, accompanied by the Secret Service. He was clearly ailing

from his illness when suddenly he turned and reached for the latch

of an unfamiliar gate. Letting himself in he began to pick a flower.

“Mr. President,” the startled agent exclaimed, “This is not

our home.” “Oh I know,” said Mr. Reagan, “I just wanted

to take my love a flower.” Even though he was judged to be

mostly locked in a private world, for just one precious

moment he had returned to the love of his life. The embers

of their love still burned brightly in both of their hearts!

Love is certainly a choice. It has little to do with one’s

physical appearance, academic ability, age or station in life.

Once that choice is made it should be made for life. It should

not be made with “If” clauses. “I will love you if you keep

your beauty.” “I will love you as long as I can admire your

mind.” “I will love you as long as you are on top of the heap.”

It is pitiful that so many couples marry today with only a

partial commitment to stay married. There’s a marvelous

passage of scripture that says, “love is as strong as death.” We

know that death is not reversible in this life! Perhaps, nor should

love be reversible.

MARRIAGE: THE RULES OF THE GAME The Leaving Factor September 8, 2010

THE LEAVING FACTOR
A basic foundation for marriage is found the first time in
Genesis 2.4 . . . “a man is to leave his father and his mother,
cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”. I call this
God’s triangular plan. It provides the full support system for
any marriage. There are three main elements in God’s system.
This seems so simple, almost too simple for some. Let me
remind you that the triangle is the strongest of the geometric
shapes. A load placed upon the pinnacle of a triangle of
substantial materials will bear that weight as long as the points
hold together. This is due to the weight being distributed
evenly along the whole system. Actually it helps itself sustain
itself. The architecture of Buckminster Fuller often utilized
the strength of the triangle. In fact Fuller created a ball-like
dome made from combined triangles. From this we could
draw an interesting parallel: If the triangle represents the
family the dome could represent the larger community. The
obvious conclusion to our parallel illustration is that a strong
society is made up of strong families.
Scriptural/spiritually each of these three elements is
substantial; together they are powerful. However just as a
physical triangle becomes defeated when any of the elements
are removed the same becomes true in the business of
marriage. Without each of these elements working together
in tandem, distributing the weight along the entire foundation
of the marriage, the marital union will grow weaker and
weaker until a second element is adversely affected. If at this
point the condition is not corrected look for either a total
collapse of the union, or a very ineffective marriage. A
marriage that remains by mutual agreement based on, “For
the sake of the children”, or “It would not look good in the
public right now”, as reasons, or “Think what this would do
to our parents after having invested so much in our
happiness,” etc. The excuses go on and on but lead to nothing
positive. Staying married has little to do with other people
and what they think. Yes it does affect the children but you
need to stay for you. After all one day you promised through
sickness and health and all that other stuff that you would
remain.
Our society is not in the greatest shape today because of
so many weak families. Each family unit does have an effect
on the whole of society. If you imagine that each marriage is
like a drop in the bucket just remember that continual drops
will eventually over flow the bucket.

September 2, 2010

Rippling Effects 3

Back in the day students used to respect their teachers.
Next to their parents and minister the teacher ranked a close
third. All of a sudden things began to change. The old ways
rapidly disappeared. Rebellion began to creep in almost
everywhere. Property was no longer sacrosanct; it now
represented the enemy. In many big cities property was
defaced with an awful vengeance. Paint spray cans, magic
markers, crayon, nail files, and even lipstick became
instruments of crime, as they scrolled, scrawled, scratched,
and painted their boiling, seething new hatred for the faceless
system. Almost simultaneously the dress code changed, and
then all but disappeared. One school Superintendent said,
“I don’t care how they come dressed, as long as they come
covered.” And in today’s scene that’s about all many can look
forward to; that they come covered!
Students developed over the years an unhealthy and
unholy disrespect for just about everything. This would
include parents, teachers, administrators, policemen, judges,
themselves, and yes even God! Their language often includes
His name mingled among the vilest assortment of verbal filth.
Youthful crime has risen to unparalleled highs. The drug
culture has included in its clutches youthful offenders as far
down as the primary grades. My secretary just placed in our
Sunday bulletin a chart she found that shows that the national
SAT college scores have steadily gone down since, yep you
guessed it—1963. The rings of this spiritual pool are still
forming and expanding.
All of this has occurred and perhaps even more problems
to come because a spiritual principle was violated. We took
God out of our schools. We actually told Him to, “Go! We
don’t want you here.” The odd thing to note is that there
wasn’t that much prayer and Bible reading going on before
it was removed. It is as they say, ‘the principle of the thing’
that was violated; the consequences have to follow.
I chose this rather lengthy investigation to illustrate the
point that spiritual principles that are violated are just as
impacting and graphic as gravity ignored. Our hope is for
this work to not only reinforce the need for adhering to
spiritual principles but to also help to discover and
understand these principles, and put them to work. The
family desperately needs to discover the biblical principles
that will aid and enhance them as a unit and as individuals
that make up that unit.
To ignore these principles of marriage is to invite negative
and damaging results. To embrace these principles is to
enhance and broaden the possibilities of success.

August 26, 2010

THE RIPPLING EFFECT cont.

When a spiritual principle is violated or disturbed it may
not only show up spiritually but likely as a physical ripple as
well. Let me share a modern example of the rippling effects
of a spiritual law violated. The principle: God promises to
bless those who honor Him. A little more than 30 years ago
June 17,1963 the Supreme Court of our land ruled that it
was unconstitutional to have prayer and Bible reading in
public schools. The court was trying to be fair to those who
do not believe in God. Perhaps shocking to some I agree
that we need a fair system in the public school system when
it comes to religion. Incidentally to be non-religious is also
the practice of religion. It is called practicing no religion.
The court should have consulted God on the matter to
see what He wanted to do with Madeline Murray O’Hare’s
lawsuit. God said, “. . . a fool says in his heart that there is no
God.” What our court system did not realize was that an
official policy banning God from the schoolhouse was going
to cause a real “Nor Easter.” In our part of the country it is a
wicked storm that brews from several directions, mainly north
and east causing all kinds of havoc in its wake.
This present work however is not about prayer, the Bible
and the schools. The illustration is used here to establish in
the reader’s mind just how important and real the rippling
effect is in the spiritual realm. Let’s look at our illustration
from two scenarios: When one single move is made it is likely
that a host of other actions follow. To ban prayer and Bible
reading from schools opened the door for other copycat
bans. One school system followed by forbidding one of its
teachers from having a Bible on the desk. He was not even
allowed to claim that it was literature. This would render
college courses useless where the Bible is used as a sample of
classic literature. In fact this would probably cause all colleges
to revamp their literature curriculums. Interestingly enough
this same school system would have no problem with this
teacher having a copy of Mein Kampf, or the writings of
Chairman Mao on his desk. Along about the same time some
other school systems ruled that teachers could not wear
religious jewelry such as crosses, lapel pins, etc. on their
person.
Then came the prohibition of the singing of Christmas
Carols, using religious holiday decorations, gospel choirs,
graduation prayers, and the list goes on and on. Now more
and more the names of major religious breaks are being
changed to more politically correct titles. “Christmas break”,
has been changed to, “Winter break.” “Easter break”(which
I personally agree should be changed to “Resurrection”) is
now being changed to, “Spring Break.” These changes in
our first picture have been very active and visible. Our second
scenario has been just as active but has somehow escaped
the conscious view of many. When the Supreme Court agreed
with Madeline Murray O’Hare in 1963 the spiritual pool
began to ripple. All this time no one had asked God what
He thought about the situation. But please know that even
though we were not listening, God was speaking. I think I
know what He said! I’m sure I know what He said! In fact I
see Him saying it, in my mind: He bends over with a
gentlemanly sweep in a bowing position: “My friends,” He
said, “I will leave. You may have it all to yourselves.” Can you
imagine we asked God to leave the schoolhouse? He just
smiled and walked out! No protests, no whimpering, no
argument, just those simple polite words, a smile and He
was gone.
That part for us was simple but that was just the stone in
the pool! After that day things started to change. The rippling
was on.

The Rippling Effect August 25, 2010

THE RIPPLING EFFECT

Just about everybody knows that there are certain laws

that govern the world. The most notable physical law that

we are exposed to is gravity. We are well aware that things

fall down, not up. Unless you can do something to offset

gravity it will always work. Throw a quarter, a stone, or a

feather into the air and it will return downward. How often

will our launched items return? Every time up, every time

down. There are of course many other physical laws but I

don’t think any are quite as graphic as gravity at work.

While most people are aware of the physical laws or

principles governing human behavior, it is amazing how

many people are not aware of the spiritual laws or principles

affecting our world. These laws are just as graphic as gravity.

These principles are often ignored or maybe unknown to us

but they are at work whether we know them or use them.

Like gravity they have their function to perform.

Another observable physical principle that may help us

understand what I’m about to share in the spiritual realm, I

call “Rippling.” Drop a pebble in the middle of a pool, and

rings will form and fan out in a concentric pattern.

Disturb, ignore, or maneuver a spiritual principle and

the rippling effects form and fan out just as vividly as those

rings in our pool of water. Violate spiritual principles and

you have asked for rippling troubles in the camp.

MARRIAGE: Catching A Second Wind by Dr.David Stevens June 21, 2010

Here is an excerpt from my latest book MARRIAGE: Catching A Second Wind by Dr.David Stevens

CHAPTER 5
HUSBANDS AND THEIR SECRETS
It is often said that women are difficult to understand. This is mostly said because women tend to change before their first pattern becomes what we thought was going to be a pattern. Confusing? Well yes you‘ve got the point. Just when you think that you have figured it out there is likely to be another wrinkle in the fabric. The good news for women is that this little confusing trait actually seems to draw men in like a moth to a flame. The mysterious ways of a woman both frustrates and delights us. I talked to a young husband whose wife is expecting. He was both frustrated and intrigued with his wife‘s crying. “When I ask her what is wrong she can‟t tell me.” “Sometimes she is crying because she is sad, and sometimes because she is happy; but there is never a reason for either.” I just smiled and reassured him that everything would work out fine. I thought of Pastor Paul Earl Sheppard‘s recommendation that we all become panologists in our philosophical dealings. According to Pastor Paul, ‗Panology,‟ simply says that it will all pan out in the end! I told the young man to be patient and kind and as helpful as he could.
55
Perhaps some of what he was experiencing was due to the pregnancy but it was not too far off from some of her regular behavior. I didn‘t want to tell him to stay tuned, because after the baby arrives would come a whole different set of emotions from his wife.
Now after having said all of that, let‘s realize that on the other hand, men have their own degree of difficulties. It is true that men tend to be a little more predictable in their behavior, but this does not at all explain the behavior. Honestly, we certainly can do some weird things too. For starters let‘s look at some of the toys and games men play with.
Dirt Bikes, Play Station, paint ball, Grand Theft Auto the list goes on, but I think you get the idea. Many of these toys and games are centered around aggressive behavior. We tend to like things that blow up and self destruct. Don‘t overlook the growing fad of home theater rooms, and ‗Man Caves‘. Men are buying huge TVs and media screens with surround sound to do nothing more than to get the action up closer and louder to us. If it is going to blow up we want it so up close and personal that it makes us flinch and duck for cover. Violence is not only tolerated it is expected. My wife and I have discovered recently that we cannot watch some types of movies together. I have no answer when she wants to know how I can stand to watch all those car chases and bullets flying. There is something really weird going on when you see the mildest of men watching violent movies.

Another strange question is: what brings on mid-life crisis for some men? These men can go on through life without causing anyone to raise an eyebrow, and suddenly change overnight.

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Enough is enough… September 16, 2009

Dr. Stevens I ‘ve had it with this woman. I have to get up at 4:30 AM to get to work. She refuses to get up with me to fix any breakfast or lunch or anything. She tells me that it is too early to start her day. She is home all day with nothing to do, at lease I don’t see anything that she does.  What can I do? I need some help here!